brother i am unwell. i keep thinking about that fat pig painting oats meme.

I also keep thinking about the “ain’t nobody praying for me” of it all. and the “it’s not about who better it’s about who blessing them” of it all.

everything is starting to bleed together, emphasis on bleed.

we wonder why proximity breeds critique but when you know what can/does make someone/something up then you can see through the lies.

I hate you because I hate myself and you better believe I observe myself so what makes you think I’m not observing you?

The bullshit they tell you… “I promise you no one is thinking about that as much as you”… that does not apply to me.

I have no idea how to turn it off so everything you say, don’t say, do, or don’t do in front of me goes into my archive of who you are, who you have the ability to be, and all the yous that you left behind.

Some of y’all would call the cops on me. some of y’all would let me walk into a shitty situation. some of y’all would stop checking in.

I KNOW the ugly parts of you quite well, because i live inside my ugly parts. and i def know what it looks like if you tend to avoid/run away from yourself.

s o o o o esoterix!

but what sucks is that I can’t metabolize this energy because I’m not stupid and can acknowledge what I’ve done wrong.

so I just wallow in misery. boohoo!

anywho I think I should start telling people I don’t like them like expeditiously.

this is #lifeordeath. I think if I keep pretending to like some of y’all i will actually E X P L O D E. and like yes I could just start working out again/take care of myself. but lowkey think that past me who could just sedate my anger a bit better would still think I’m right for cussing some people out.

so let me be clear (insert obama meme), I don’t want to full send hatred, I want to full send sharing my opinion and facing reaction/consequence. I think the lack of accountability embedded into yale life is the most disgusting part and i’m tired of it.